@grady_young
“If you want to be liked, just please everybody. Never say no. Take everything on. Be responsible for how other people feel. Never disappoint anybody. They’re all gonna like you. But nobody’s gonna love you, because they don’t know you.” - holy shit that hit hard…
@om7854
'The Self that you abandoned never went away....it's talking to you through your body and emotions.....'
@vidyavenkatraman8125
Every time I hear him speak, I feel the deepest sadness yet the strongest sense of relief and hope
@nayem-ielts
I've started realizing lately that, I'm depressed, addicted, consistently low because of not being myself. One of my acquaintances called me a people-pleaser 2 years ago. I didn't believe that, I considered myself an empathetic person, but the truth is, I'm afraid of hurting others' feelings, never went through any disagreements with anyone. What's the outcome? I've become a nice guy sittting in the corner, who doesn't have an opinion. Zero assertiveness. Now, I'm trying real hard to get on my feet. If it's not a 'Hell yeah', then it's a No. Contributing to the conversation with original ideas, Having the courage to defend those, and never be afraid of disagreements. I'm writing this as a reminder. I never talked about this feeling to anyone, as they might take it as my weakness. Since I'm a smooth-talker, it's hard to detect my insecurities.But I'm trying to shift my gears. I'm reading books, taking daily exercise, disciplining myself, and being indifferent about external circustances that I can't control. When we become ourselves, we become free and find peace.
@johannagrace7768
The key to authenticity: “it’s a decision you are going to have to make sometime. Who would you rather have? It’s them or yourself”. Beautifully stated Dr Mate.
@BethAndromeda
“The pain of not being yourself is too much”
@jimrich4192
In therapy, I lost a lot of attachments when I began standing up for myself with assertiveness training, self respect & saying NO to the Narcissists. Somehow, I seem to frequently slide right back down into dependent, timid behaviors to "get by". This talk is helping a lot to remind me of what matters & how to hold on to it. I can and will be Authentic again! Thank you!
@ashiff7781
Authenticity = being able to feel your gut feeling. Being able to live by your gut feeling.
@mjbreitmeyer6021
As a child I witnessed many vicious arguments between my parents. Sometimes I had to intervene. It was terrifying. My mother is, I believe, a BPD, and my father an enabler. I had no choice but to internalise their anger, believing it was my fault. Also suffered from anorexia and until recently had no idea that my chaotic family dynamics were the reason. My father died a couple of years ago. My mother is worse than ever, and my people pleasing traits more intense than ever - bending over backwards to make her happy and never succeeding. She has been incredibly abusive and I'm now 44 years old. I could no longer tolerate it and started experiencing severe CPTSD symptoms. I had to reclaim myself, and she didn't like it. We don't speak anymore. When you stand up for yourself and say no to abuse, people don't like it. It's astonishing what some of us tolerate just for the sake of having those attachments.
@daleg4299
"Who would you rather have in your life...them or yourself?" Thank you for summing it up so very well. I am 66 and had to leave my entire birth family, my oldest son and a friend of 50 years behind. While painful, the decisions were the right ones. I am learning that peace involves processing the world as it is and not as we want it to be. Leaving all the abuse behind has finally granted me that.
@jeannined7532
The extreme suffering of human beings is not down to the individual alone. The systems we live in are intentionally evil, and until we accept the truth of this reality and work at the level of systems, working with individuals will continue to be an ungodly burden, like Sisyphus rolling a rock uphill only to have it roll back down. Human beings were never meant to deal with issues of authenticity and attachment in a vacuum. We must have a viable community to support our healing and growth.
@claudelebel49
The fear of being abandoned or disapproved of must be faced.
@sharonjones7138
AWESOME!!! Thank you for explaining how I lost myself as probably a toddler. Narcissistic mother, enabler father, I was attached to no one 😢☹️. Been suppressing me for as long as I can recall. Now as I begin to bloom (at 63), I want me more than I want attachments to others. Thank you for your extremely important work.
@tonydomi7128
4:04 In the conflict between attachment and authenticity, attachment is going win every time and people suppress their authenticity and specifically if they weren't love for who they are they are going very hard be liked. And if you want to be liked just please everybody, never say no take everything on, be responsible for other people feel, never disappoint anybody They are all gone LIKE you but nobody's gone to LOVE you because they don't know you
@saloshniejagathesan1577
People pleasing upsets me so much... I am working on it in my life. Whenever I do something to please others I feel that I am hurting my very Spirit, that I let my Spirit down....
@Patricia-bk3cs
God bless the child who builds a wall to survive in a world where being yourself is not allowed!
@jeanniecampbell1374
how many of us are saying ..I wish I had heard this years ago .Thanks for posting .
@ichoosejoy2712
I thought that the child trauma or parenting issues that he often talks about didn't apply to me because nothing really stuck out, but now I really think about it my Dad was really overstrict. I would get in such trouble for the tiniest things and was very quiet, shy and anxious as I got older. Its clear that as I got into my teens that I was a huge people pleaser. Its only until very recently that I would say and do what would get other people's approval. And it didn't work as no one has ever liked me.
@spinnettdesigns
So difficult to hear and so important. I've worked hard to be an authentic parent (Narcissist parents and siblings and husbands) and we were not successful in helping our son to be authentic, and that grieves me deeply since it's the one thing that I truly wanted for him, but I didn't know how to do it, even though I tried. Of course, I've had so many illnesses and finally after decades of research, therapy, self care and other work, at 60, I am what I feel is myself. I've lost many of my attachments (that I thought were friends) including all of my relatives. Painful, but not being me is no longer an option. I was very worried that my kind sweetness was not part of "me" and that it was a "put on" from trauma and would "go" as I became more connected to myself, but I'm thrilled to still have it. I mention that because it is hard to be "left" by folks who claim to care for you, and knowing my own good traits helps to mitigate that deep, deep hurt. Thank you again for your kind sharing and beneficial work.
@redman958